Machette Kills

Machette Kills


Machete Kills.  Rating:  2 (out of 5).  Machete is recruited by the US President in his latest mission to stop a global terrorist from starting a nuclear war. With a bounty on his head, he faces death from a series of deadly assassins at every turn of his task. This Robert Rodriguez directed sequel to his 2010 film, Machette,  arrives on VOD on Tuesday, January 21.  The Los Angeles Times says, “Machete Kills winds up a slightly camp, tinny parody of bad action movies, playing out with the same sense of tedium as a genuine bad action movie.”

Starring: Alexa Vega, Antonio Banderas, Charlie Sheen, Cuba Gooding Jr., Danny Trejo, Demián Bichir, Jessica Alba, Mel Gibson, Michelle Rodriguez, Sofía Vergara
Rating:  R
Genre:  Action, Thriller, Crime




Entertainment Weekly gives the film a B+ rating, and further notes, “Machete Kills is gruesomely baroque trash staged with a kinetic freedom that is truly eye-popping, so you can forgive its lapses, like how it goes on a little too long. Rodriguez’s only real sin as a filmmaker is that he wants to give you way too much of a crazy ultraviolent good time.”

According to The Village Voice, “Machete Kills isn’t subtle—with a name like that, how could it be? It’s a live-action cartoon that’s one part Garry Trudeau to two parts bloody Looney Tunes.”

USA Today notes, “Despite some nice comedic touches and cameos, “Machete Kills” can’t work up a sharp-edged story.”

Chicago Sun-Times writes, ““Machete don’t tweet,” Machete scowls. Yes, but Machete DOES wear out his welcome.”

New York Post thinks, “Entertainingly gruesome in parts, and not without a certain anarchic wit, it’s the kind of movie you pause to watch when it’s on TV, but after half an hour, you’ll click over to something else.”

The Boston Globe says, “Rodriguez does a fair job of keeping the zaniness coming: Vergara’s machine gun bra, Gibson delivering exposition in a “Star Wars” prop, bad guys offed by helicopter blades in dementedly creative ways. It’s enough that you’ll hope Rodriguez makes good on that new faux trailer — for “Machete Kills Again . . . in Space.””

The San Francisco Chronicle notes, “”Machete Kills,” a sequel to a film that was based on a fake trailer, is entertaining, but in a lazy and inconsistent way.”

NPR thinks, “The best moments in Machete Kills are the simple ones, like a playful jab at our expectations of gratuitous sex: It’s there, but Rodriguez serves it up with a clever means of obscuring it.”

The Washington Post notes, “The movie is supposed to look and feel cheesy. Here’s the problem: It could be even cheesier.”

According to Variety, “A surprisingly long-lived gag finally runs out of gas in Robert Rodriguez’s noticeably duller, less outrageous sequel to ‘Machete.’”

The New York Times writes, “With its desperate stunt casting, witless “Star Wars” allusions and bloat that suggests that Mr. Rodriguez got carried away, “Machete Kills” loses its mojo. It commits the unpardonable sin of being dull.”

Los Angeles Times says, “Machete Kills winds up a slightly camp, tinny parody of bad action movies, playing out with the same sense of tedium as a genuine bad action movie.”

According to The New York Magazine, “The joke of the hulking, ravaged Danny Trejo as a lady-killing, villain-dismembering supercop—a bad Mexican—is enough to power a couple of tongue-in-cheek trailers, but the features have no motor, no inner life.”

The Austin Chronicle thinks, “Machete Kills’ plotting takes on the manic, over-the-top chaos of the aforementioned Warner Bros. ’toons almost immediately and its storyline is something of a convoluted mess. That said, it works extremely well as a drunken, date-night midnighter or film-fest entry, all madcap bloodletting and surrealist non sequiturs.”

The Arizona Republic says, “Turns out there can be too much of a good thing. Or a campy thing. Or a silly thing. Or a subtle-as-a-brick-in-the-face thing. However you want to put it, “Machete Kills,” the sequel to Robert Rodriguez’s 2010 movie, which was itself based on a fake trailer inserted in the film “Grindhouse,” is a major disappointment.”

The St. Louis Post-Dispatch notes, “When a celebrity chef like Rodriguez is just going through the motions, we can smell that the grindhouse fad is way past its expiration date. It’s time to put a fork in it.”

The Guardian thinks, “The odd vivid shot reminds you of Rodriguez’s dynamic visual imagination, but also what it’s wasted on here: a project as indifferent as some of the trash that inspired it.”

IndieWire (The Playlist) writes, “When you have a studio in your own garage and the luminescent Michelle Rodriguez on speed-dial, sometimes a few good gags and cheap thrills are all you need.”

TimeOut New York notes, “Little is believable, and that’s exactly as it should be.”

A.V. Club gives the film a B rating, and further notes, “For a franchise that began as a three-minute joke, it’s come remarkably far.” thinks, “Like most of Robert Rodriguez’s movies, “Machete Kills” is a self-aware exploitation picture that winks as it picks your pocket.”

Reelviews says, “Machete Kills plays like a joke that’s been told a few times too often.”

Movie Nation notes, “The acting’s bad — sort of on purpose. The script, borrowed from a bad Bond film, is ridiculous, also on purpose. And the funniest bits are for the “next” installment in the series, which looks too awful to commit to film.” gives the movie a 6.4 grade, and further writes, “All of the silliness would be more fun if it weren’t so exhausting.”

Slant Magazine writes, “Machete Kills lacks this component and subsequently feels tinny and frivolous, but not in the good way.”

According to The Dissolve, “It’s the trailer that dreamed it was a feature. But even after two tries, it still hasn’t quite gotten there.”

TimeOut London says, “Sadly, much as we want to relish the shameless parade of cartoon violence, while indulging the equally shameless cavalcade of adolescent sexism, the soggy plotting and slack comic timing are downers.”

Total Film notes, “Like a meal made entirely of chillies, Machete Mk II is spicy to start with, then unpleasant, then numbing – before it all starts to repeat.”

Empire Online describes the film as “Violent, silly, embarrassing, clumsy, confusing, juvenile, occasionally offensive, occasionally a little bit fun.”


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